As a very definite introvert, I know that I usually prefer small groups, one on one conversations, quiet environments, and sometimes even being alone. Those things are normal and comfortable for me.
Sometimes though-like this week-my introversion (in addition to other factors I'm sure) takes a very severe form and I get into moods where I really don't want to talk to people or even be around them. (with the exception of close friends and most family members). And it's times like these that I find myself actually considering things like joining the Benedictan monastery in Rome where they practice silence (though I suppose being a girl would make that hard) or simply hanging a large sign around my neck that says "Do not disturb-you may regret it."
I get this way on occasion for many different reasons. It seems like it's extra bad right now-and I'm not really sure why or what brought it on, and I have no idea how to shake it. It feels really strange...I don't think I've ever worked quite this hard to avoid people and get out of conversations-especially ones where the questions don't stop and the person is one that I don't really know that well at all.
It's horrible. I hate that I'm doing this...I don't want to be shutting people out, to be cold, rude, and unfriendly. I don't like that I'm so easily irritated, insensitive, edgy, and uncommunicative. But in some ways it feels easier. It feels safer. In a sense it probably is, though I know somewhere in my head that that doesn't make it the better option.
I guess it's just simply true that people who get burned tend to be more wary of hot surfaces. I just hope it gets better in time.
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